Chapter 196 – A Quiet Prayer
I knew that it was wrong.
If I wanted to quit my job, I should give them a month’s notice, so that it would not be such a burden on the others. I needed to make sure they could get by without me.
To submit my resignation and disappear so suddenly. It was without a doubt, a selfish act that showed a complete lack of responsibility as an adult.
However, I didn’t have any time.
Societal rules were important, but Luke’s life was even more important.
As long as the Royal Magicians Order was unable to act, then I was the only one who could help him.
(I have some money saved up, so I’ll be fine for a while. It might be difficult to find work again, since I quit in such a way. But I’m willing to accept anything that comes.)
It would not be easy to find a job where I could use my beloved magic.
However, as long as I didn’t give up, there would always be a possibility.
Even if it wasn’t in this country, there should be jobs for me abroad.
(My poor mother won’t like it…)
That was my only worry. The mother who I lived with.
She had worked so hard in order to put me in the magic academy. It was why she was weak now.
The only source of income we lived off of was now gone. And so this was a big problem for us.
She would be anxious and sad.
After I returned home and packed my things, I turned to my mother, who was watering the flowers on the table.
“Mother. I have decided to quit my job at the Royal Magicians Order.”
My mother answered without changing her expression.
“Why?”
“Because my friend is in serious danger. If I don’t go now, it may be too late. I know that I will regret it for the rest of my life.”
“If you go, will it change anything? Have you really thought this through?”
“I did. I thought about it alot. I really didn’t want to make this decision. But I had no choice. That was my conclusion.”
“I see… So you decided.”
My mother looked down and became silent.
She then chose her words carefully.
“I am not the best mother, and so I will not hold back. I will say what is on my mind. I wished that you would not quit. I wanted you to continue with that job. I wanted you to marry a wonderful person, so I wouldn’t have to worry.”
She looked up at me.
“But really, none of that actually matters.”
She said with a strong will.
Her eyelashes were wet.
“Even if you don’t marry or don’t work. I am greedy, so I wish for too much. But that isn’t my true wish. All I want…is for my Noelle to not be in danger.”
She said to me pleadingly.
Her hands were clenched tightly.
“You are going to a dangerous place, aren’t you? A place where you could be killed.”
“It’s not…”
“Don’t lie. Just tell me the truth.”
I averted my eyes and paused.
“…You’re right. I am doing something like that.”
“Do you know how hard it will be for me?”
“I do. I feel like a terrible daughter.”
“No, you don’t. You won’t know what it’s like unless you become a parent.”
Said my mother.
“I always admired how hard-working you are. How you didn’t give up. You could be clumsy and different from others, but that was adorable. I often felt bad that my work kept me away. You were often alone. But you were still the most important thing to me.”
“Mother…”
“But if you insist on going, then promise me this. That you will come back alive. Even if you fail. Even if it ends in the worst way, and you were unable to help this person. Even if the whole world blames you. I will accept it all…just, please come back alive.”
She looked straight into my eyes.
For a moment, I could not say anything.
She was berating me in a way, but it was somehow comforting.
There was someone who cared about me this deeply.
The answer was clear.
“I will come back alive. I promise.”
“As long as you can keep it, the rest does not matter. Don’t worry about money. In spite of appearances, I’m still quite tough.”
“I know. I grew up watching your back.”
“I’m happy to hear you say that.”
My mother shrugged.
“Now do your best so that you have no regrets.”
“Yes.”
In a large traveling bag, I swiftly packed the bare necessities.
When I left, my mother stared at me until I was gone.
Even when she was as small as a bean, she stood by the door without going inside.
(Thank you for everything.)
I said in my heart as I turned the corner.
I could not see her anymore.
However, I felt that she was still watching over me.
Even when away, she was inside of me. I could hear her voice in my heart.
It was not my real mother, but it was just as important.
I then headed to the carriage station.
But when I was about to enter the building, a familiar voice stopped me.
“What are you doing?”
The voice was shaking with anger.
It was Ilis, my junior at the 7th unit of the Royal Magicians Order.
“I heard that you resigned. You have to be joking. It can’t be true.”
She said as if interrogating me.
I thought about it for a moment and then said,
“It’s no lie or joke. I really did quit.”
“So you are running away. Because you are afraid of my great talent. Because you have no hope of beating me.”
“Yes. You are probably right.”
“…Are you even listening to me?”
Ilis said quietly.
“I know that I’m no match for you right now. You have made more sacrifices and have more experience. That was why I was willing to listen to you. You are not like the other, soft and always compromising. You cared more about magic than anyone. That’s why I listened to you.”
She always had good posture, but she seemed taller than usual.
Without saying anything, I looked up at her.
“I even tried to improve as a person. I started to look at those peasants in the eyes when I talked to them. Sometimes, the conversations were even amusing. It really was not so bad.”
Ilis grabbed me by the collar.
I could feel her fingers shaking.
“And yet, here you are, doing the wrong thing as a person. Causing trouble for us all who looked up to you… What are you doing? This isn’t like you.”
She looked down.
“If you care about magic and want to reach the top, then you cannot quit. Your environment is important. You cannot let go of this chance to fight at the forefront.”
Her fingers tightened around my collar.
“You can’t go. It’s not too late now. I’ll go with you, and you can apologize…”
“Sorry. But I still have to go.”
I grabbed her hand and slowly removed her fingers.
“You’ll be fine, Ilis. You’ll be a better magician than me.”
“Hearing that doesn’t make me happy at all. There was so much that I wanted you to teach me…”
She then crumbled to the ground. She looked like a weak child.
I wanted to comfort her.
But I did not have the time.
My juniors were important to me, but my friend, whose life was in danger, was more important.
“…I’m sorry.”
I had to make a choice.
And so with feelings of pain and guilt, I moved forward.
“Ms. Noelle.”
I heard her voice from behind.
“You better come back. I’ll do whatever it takes. No matter what, I’ll help you get your position back.”
Ilis had been so self-centered up until now, that I could hardly believe those words came from her mouth.
The fact that she could say it in this situation, where I was so clearly in the wrong…
If as her senior, I had any kind of influence that would have caused such a change…then I would be very happy.
“Thank you.”
I said.
“Ilis. I’ll be watching you, and cheering you on.”
I would not be able to return.
I knew that.
Still, it meant something to me to hear her say that.
And so without turning around, I left.
I was probably the worst leader.
But that was fine.
I just hoped that the rest of her life would be filled with as much happiness as possible.
Thanks for the chapter