‘Even if it is to acquire lands and wealth, the act of killing people comes with a great feeling of resistance. However, such things can be forgiven in a god’s name. That way, one can protect their heart after committing the sin of killing your own kind.’
“So if a god forgives you, then you are no longer a murderer?”
‘The system of gods and Heroes just made that more visible. You were lucky, as you only had to fight against monsters.’
Now that he thought about it, Sheto was Salia’s chosen Hero. If Fi had continued to fight after that, he would have had to kill humans eventually.
‘However, it is just a small part of human history. They have been crossing seas in the name of god, and taking back holy lands from people of different faiths. And it is all justified.’
“But still…”
Fi’s feelings pushed against the dragon’s arguments.
“What if that is not enough? And you cannot feel forgiven?”
‘You are…such a fool.’
“I know. You don’t have to tell me that.”
‘In conclusion, a real ‘pardon’ does not exist in this world.’
The dragon god’s voice was heavy as it sounded through the smartphone speaker. And so he began to talk of the inescapable truth.
‘A pardon is really just something for the living. The dead cannot forgive their killers. They cannot argue. Redemption is just an antidote to try and erase your own guild. If you do not think you cannot be forgiven, then that is the answer.’
“So…I will just have to live with this guilt forever.”
‘Not necessarily.’
There was a brief silence. As if to think about how to convey and make himself understood.
‘You have become involved in this world as Fiacur, and have lived here like everyone else. That experience has affected your world view. The way that you see things. In other words, isn’t it only natural for you to see your past actions in a different light?’
Indeed, he could not return to how he once felt. Where this was a fantasy world from a role-playing game, and he was a tourist pretending to be an adventuring hero.
He now knew how the humans and monsters here had their own lives and things they wanted to protect.
‘No one can throw stones at the foolishness of Koji Itsumi. He was just an ordinary high school student. Only those who would not do the same in your place, have the right to do that.’
“Just because you didn’t know… It does not mean that you can do anything…”
‘In that case, do you also expect that kind of perfection from others? Is that not arrogant? Such perfection would only exist in a dystopian world ruled by mad computers.’
It was then that Fi finally understood the dragon god’s words.
This laid back dragon had been saying it ever since they met in that corner of Tokyo.
You will not be held accountable for sins you didn’t know that you committed.
“…Thank you. Also, sorry for making you listen to my ramblings.”
‘So you finally see it that way? Good.’
“Why is it good?”
‘There are things that cannot be helped in this world. But people will continue to speak about them anyway. Understanding what you are doing is part of progress.’
The young dragon pondered the words and then gave voice to the small ache that remained in his chest.
“If there are no pardons or atonement in this world, then my act of helping Yuneri and the others…it was a way to erase my guild. Hypocrisy, and nothing else.”
‘There is no hypocrisy in this world. Every act towards someone else was just done for gain. Malicious acts can be turned to good, and acts with good intentions can have bad consequences.’
“You say some very twisted things.”
Fi said with a sigh. The dragon god chuckled on the other end.
‘Well, I am incredibly old. And so I am as twisted as they come.’
“Yes, yes. I see.”
‘Still, I can be earnest as well. Because of what you did, Sheto won the battle against the Hero, and the kobolds survived.’
Fi sighed as he heard those words.
As a Hero, he had killed many monsters.
But as a dragon, he had saved a few friends.
It was all for his own satisfaction. No one could forgive him. He could not forgive himself.
With such thoughts in his head, he would clash and live with others who had lived so much longer than him.
His feet stumbled then.
He was in a system that was much too complex.